Ever feel like their's a dark cloud looming overhead, and no matter how fast you run, or creative you think you are at eluding the cloud, it's just... there. No where to run, no where to hide. If my bad luck wasn't so tragically common, it might not be as comical as it is. Or perhaps it's just warped my sense of humor. Either way, I think that if I don't try to find the humor in all this misfortune, it might just swallow me whole.
I know there are plenty of people out there miserable in their own right by their own misfortunes. I am by no means minimizing their strife, just sharing my own in a blog that is likely never to be read, in hopes of maintaining some small shred of sanity.. Assuming I had any to begin with. I know there are many people out there that have had it much worse than me. I am simply trying to afford myself some therapy that will fit my almost non-existent budget : FREE. So here I am, essentially having a one-sided conversation with myself. Lets just hope I don't wind up getting into an argument with myself and stop talking to myself. That would be really frightening.
I started a new job two weeks ago. I'm a Medical Assistant. There was a particular company not far from where I live, that I wanted to work at before I was even in school to become an MA. Well, I left the completely dysfunctional company I started working at right out of school, when I was offered a job in my desired location. I've spent most of the last two weeks in training, which has been most impressive to say the least. I have been in my dept 4.5 days spread out over these last two weeks. I found out last Friday that a couple of the women I work with went to our dept supervisor to complain about me. Wait, I think they called it, "concern." But really, throwing the new girl under the bus before she can even learn everyone's names is a pretty shitty thing to do, don't ya think ladies?? They said I don't seem to want to be here and I seem unfriendly.... WHAT?!?!?! Here's a newsflash ladies, what you did was not showing concern, it was just outright SHADY, that's all. Plain and simple. Whatever the reason, it cannot be justified. I have not insulted anyone, stolen, cheated, lied, deceived... And jokes on me because I actually wanted to be their friend. I was not a threat for them. They have put my job in jeopardy which makes this a very personal attack. I stressed out through my entire shift on Friday, trying not to cry. What is it with me? I cry if I'm sad, betrayed, or really pissed off. (I think I was all 3). I just never thought I was walking into a dept of self-righteous caddy clique. Here's the thing, there are a laundry list of things I've noticed while in that dept that could be repremandable offenses, but I would NEVER throw my co-worker under a bus, unless there was absolutely no other choice, and it would put someone at risk. Even then, I'd still feel like Karma was gonna be coming down the line to pick me off for it, regardless of how noble it was. I would NEVER pass judgement on a new co-worker without giving them a chance. Let alone go report them to the supervisor for being un-chipper!!! Seriously. WHO DOES THAT????
With all my years of retail management, I never behaved with such disregard for anothers well-being. They are jeopardizing my job.. A job that I just so happen to like and want to keep. What gives a person the impression they can behave this way? Is there no moral code? I have a personal moral code, and anything that can potentially come back and bite me in the ass, or bite someone else in the ass, will inevitably come back around to bite me in the ass in the end, is complete off limits! It can be that effing simple ladies! so what the hell is the point??? Here;s something else I've learned that I think I have to share for your own benefit.
So you know there's an Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, Santa, yadda yadda yadda... Well, Murphy's Law is REAL too!! I know him rather well. We are rival enemies, and he is so much smarter than me. While Murphy is close with our magical friends over there, he has a sick and twisted sense of humor. He is not your friend. So maybe that would put him in the range with the Boogie Monster or something.
I got off track. I do that a lot. No I am not ADHD, but sometimes I know exactly how they feel. So anyway, tomorrow, I get to play fake with these women. It must be fake, because they all had me fooled. I thought they were all so nice, but I guess it was a front for a caddy group of women with nothing better to than mess with my life. I'll go play nice and friendly, and keep to myself and just pray that doing my job well, and efficiently, will be enough to keep my job when I get to my 90 day review. I only have to be able to hang in there for 1 year and then I can transfer to a different dept within the company. This may be the hardest year of my life. I'm not very good at acting caddy, and fake. I don't know how to make this work. Ya know what's the screwed up part of it? Is that I can't even name all the women I work with yet, and they're bitching about me!!! Not one of them EVER came up to me and asked if something was wrong. They just scurry off behind my back all secret squirrel like and tattle tail like kindergartener's, and I'm the kid you made the funny face sneezing and now all the cliquey girls are running to the teacher because I scared them.
Seriously, is this the way women behave in groups??? Because if it is, then we need some major studies going on here. Is a woman territorial in the workplace? Imagine what could be accomplished from these studies! It could be world-altering!!
I'm all set with caddiness and bringing out the claws, and fighting for turf. It holds no interest to me. How about ya'll just tell me which computer you'll allow me to use and which rooms, and which doctor I'm allowed to work for, and I'll take it. I don't care who I work with, or from what computer, or from which rooms. I DON'T CARE, but just so you don't get your granny panties in a knot, tell me what is acceptable for me to do while performing duties I was hired to perform, and I'll stay out of your way. And after a year, I'll jump ship to another dept, and YOU SPAZZes can move on to alienating the next new hire that comes into your dept.
Good luck with that... Honestly, would it have not been easier to just talk to me??
Well, the Ambien (I save specifically for nights like this where sleep would be impossible), is finally starting to kick in, thank God. It's only taken two and a half hours.
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